


Drinking to the Dead (Making Love to Life)

by Active_Imagination



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-14
Updated: 2012-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Active_Imagination/pseuds/Active_Imagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lewis Nixon’s way of coping with death causes more pain to Richard Winters than he ever would have guessed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinking to the Dead (Making Love to Life)

**Author's Note:**

> written for an (old) prompt over on comment_fic "Coping with Death." The fic is set during episode 9 (Why We Fight) and 10 (Points), because episode nine still haunts my dreams for so many reasons.

Richard Winters has lost a lot of good men, but he's learned not to question it. There’s no rhyme and reason to the war. There just is. Every life matters, but he tries not to dwell on the lives lost. He has to keep looking forward. Hopefully, now they're in Germany, the casualties will start to cease soon. The war is almost won, but there are still demons to be fought.

 

Nixon has been drinking more and more, Dick has noticed but he doesn't know what to do about it. In Bastogne Lew managed to brush it off, just the occasional nip to keep warm. It wasn’t just occasional though; but Dick couldn’t afford to worry. It was cold and Dick didn’t want to push him away when he wanted him so close.

 

It gets worse after the jump. Lew's not all that great with death. He's better with statistics and intelligence, fact and figures, numbers without feeling. Lew can make sense of those. But seeing that plane explode before his very eyes, burning bodies falling through the sky… but he survived. It didn’t make sense. Lew tried to be grateful, he survived, but it didn’t make any sense.

 

Dick is grateful Lew survived, even though is doesn’t seem like Lewis is. It doesn’t take much to see through the cheerful façade, but Dick still tried not to press for fear it would drive Lew away. Even when he had to demote him, even when Lew talked about the divorce; it was no good trying to get Lew to talk because all he wanted to do was drink.

 

Dick coped with death by ensuring the survival of as many of his men he could manage. It was what kept his head together and allowed him to do his job. Lew still did his job, the best he could whilst drunk, but he was growing overly dependent on the alcohol. A lot of men had their coping mechanisms, but this one was killing Lew and Dick couldn’t stand that. He couldn’t stand that it was driving them apart.

 

***

 

“Lew.” Dick manages to whisper, when it’s just the two of them. Nix sat at a table, Winters standing guard out of habit.

 

“What?” Nixon replies, lips half-way to his flask already.

 

“You OK?” Dick finds himself holding his breath, waiting for a response. Nixon pauses and puts the flash back down. That’s a start.

 

“Who cares?” Nixon picks up the flask and takes an even bigger swig.

 

“Clearly you don’t.” Winters says bitterly.

 

“Why should I?” Nix explodes angrily. “I was broken well before the war, but I’m still here.” Nix smiles even though there are tears in his eyes. There are tears in Richard’s eyes too.

 

“It wouldn’t be the same without you, Lew.” Dick admits. “Where do you go, when you drink?”

 

Nix looks at Winters, eyes questioning, a pained expression on his face. “Where do you go, when you’re sober?”

 

“I’m right here.”

 

“Yeah.” Nixon sighs, taking another swig.

 

“It’s not all death and destruction, Lew.”

 

“I saw the camp, Dick. I went back there.” Lewis confesses. Winters is careful not to react, even as he feels his heart sink.

 

“It’s not all death and destruction, Lew.” Dick repeats. “It’s about saving life. It’s about doing our duty. It’s about fighting to save humanity. About heroes and brothers. The war won’t last forever, and once the dust has settled, I honestly believe I’ll find peace.”

 

“Peace?” Lewis questions.

 

“I like the quiet.”

 

“There’s so much noise, in my head, the screams, I can hear my family shouting at me, telling me what a waste of space I am, I can hear the explosions, the cries. It won’t stop. I just want it to stop.”

 

“There’s got to be better ways, to silence it.” Dick’s own mind whirs, his body acting on its own, moving closer to Lew. Lew’s shaking his head, but his head is resting on the table. His eyes are closed, and Dick can no longer fight the urge to touch, to comfort. Dick strokes Lew’s hair, causing Lewis’ eyelid to flutter open.

 

“What are you?…” Nixon begins, bleary eyed and confused, but still sharp enough to catch the look in Dick’s eyes.

 

“Nothing.” Dick is usually a good liar, even if he doesn’t indulge in that skill often.

 

“Don’t lie to me Dick, please, I couldn’t take it if you start –“ Lewis’ words are cut off with a kiss. Richard looks more shocked than Nix, who just looked confused, but not surprised. “If you’re just trying to cheer me up…”

 

“I’m not, I…” Winters struggles to find the words.

 

“Then what?” Nixon presses, eyes intrigued, torn between begging to be loved and pleading Dick not to care.

 

“Maybe I just want to drown out the noise in my head.” Dick pants, face still so close to Lewis’, growing intoxicated. Nixon stands up, watching Dick’s gaze follow him. Dick marvels at how boyish Lew looks, no longer weary, but curious. Dick’s breath catches in his throat when Lew kisses him, experimentally at first, before growing more adventurous, his tongue reaching out to trace Dick’s dry lips, eventually pulling back to gauge Dick’s response.

 

“Did that drown out the noise?!” Nixon asks, tentatively. It didn’t. Dick can hear his blood pumping, his heart beating so rapidly, his soul screaming, pleading for Lew to be closer, for more skin contact, for anything, everything.

 

“Not enough.” Dick states, suddenly broken from his reverie and compelled to action, fevered thoughts and hurried hands fought to shed Nixon of his coat and shirt, but the kiss is paradoxically slow. Lew may be slightly drunk and tired, but he’s still more efficient at stripping Dick, stroking skin as he slides off the unwanted clothes, causing Dick to shiver at the touch.

 

“Is this what you want?” Nix asks, making sure before he bolts the door. “Because I thought you were smarter than this.” Dick thinks very carefully about his reply, but it’s difficult when Nixon is looking to him, half-naked, with a self-deprecating look on his face.

 

“I want you.” Dick thinks about adding a “to stop drinking so much” but in the end he doesn’t bother. He’s so close to begging, but it’s not about Nixon’s drinking, it’s about him. “I miss you. I miss your smile. I want you to smile again.”

 

“Do you do this for every guy in your company who gets low?” Nixon asks, taking a tentative step away from the door and towards Dick.

 

“You’re special.” Nix scoffs at that. “You’re special to me.” Dick elaborates and Nix pauses, unable to deny it because he can tell Dick isn’t lying. “Lew, please.” Dick actually sounds pained, and Nix can’t stand that so he closes the distance and kisses him. The kisses grow more heated and Dick hisses as Nix finally undoes his belt.

 

“I’m a lucky bastard Dick.” Nix marvels at Dick’s reaction to every touch.

 

“Lew,” Dick snaps, sick of Nix’s humility. It doesn’t suit him. ”Please stop talking. Put your mouth to better use.”

 

“Gladly.” Lew grins, before making Dick gasp. Now was not a time for over-thinking, but it was one of Dick’s flaws. All he could think is how beautiful Lew is, down on his knees, nose brushing the tip of his clothed cock.

 

“You’re beautiful.” Dick mutters aloud without even being aware of it, causing Lew to look up, eyes still so dark, a little lost, looking up at Dick with worship in his eyes. It brings Dick to his knees, after he’s shed his last piece of clothing. Completely naked, Dick strokes Lew’s lips before kissing them, overjoyed when Nix kisses back.

 

Dick takes his time stripping Nix of his clothes, exploring his flesh, self-indulgent for the first time in his life. Nix, in turn, bares his soul. No more words are spoken, but Nix clings a little tightly and he cries a little but Dick just brushes the tears away and nuzzles even closer.

 

They’re both tired and weary, but emotion spurs them on. They care enough to learn what the other like, and it’s more than just a release of tension. It was never just about the sex, it is about the bond. Nixon had been pushing everyone away lately, so he mutters apologies against Dick’s skin and Dick forgives him in his kisses.

 

Nix tries to last out as long as possible, an insidious voice in his head still scared that Dick will leave him as soon as the sex was over. Dick is so content with kissing and touching, he doesn’t even register how close he is to orgasm, and comes without warning when Lew’s hand goes from stroking Dick’s back, skirting over his behind and ending up on his inner thigh.

 

“Sorry.” Dick blushes a little, even though it’s hard to tell over how flushed he already is.

 

“Don’t be.” Lew takes himself in hand as Dick lazily watches. It doesn’t take long, but Dick makes sure every second of is stored in his memory. He tries to regain some composure as Lew cleans them both off with one of his discarded socks. “Look, I’m sorry for…” Dick cuts him off with a kiss.

 

“We should probably…” Dick pulls on his boxers. Lew just gathers his coat and puts it around the two of them, like a blanket.

 

“Night Dick.”

 

“Goodnight Lew.”    




 

***

 

After that, Nix still drinks but Dick can’t blame him. He has his own drug, which he thinks about, tastes and relies upon: Nix. Lew is certainly smiling more; genuine smiles that are a source of distraction for Winters, yet they are very welcome.

 

It may not have be the smartest idea of Richard’s career to present Lew with Hermann Goering’s cellar, but the look on Lew’s face is one of Dick’s happiest memories and therefore worth it. Nix is no longer drinking to drown out the voices of the dead, but to celebrate his love of life. Dick can live with that.

 

**FIN**


End file.
